Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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