I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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