I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize