she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
