So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
We got so high we made milksteak
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
