wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
