Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
