Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
