i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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