i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
