I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
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