Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
