Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
