dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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