Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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