either way he was missing a nipple.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
