I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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