im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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