What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
