I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
