i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
