Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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