What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
