The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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