im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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