I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
