just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
