Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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