I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
