Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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