Midget sex pt 2 tonight
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
