I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
