You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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