Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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