Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
