yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize