Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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