Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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