Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
