i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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