Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I came so hard my ears popped.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
