i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
