I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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