1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
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