I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
