Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
