i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Randomize
