every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
