So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
