I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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