I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
