Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
