Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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