So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I fill condoms, not promises.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
