I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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