he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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