Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Say something about gay babies.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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