you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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