She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
