I like to think it a success when the cops are called
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
