everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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