Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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