Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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