I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
