Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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