Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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