so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
