I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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