Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
