HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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