hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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