dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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