did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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