this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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