dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
