The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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