I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
